In an attempt to keep ourselves safe from COVID, we moved to another country and didn’t make too many connections in the new land; just enough to get basics. But that isolation might be weighing too heavily on our relationship. If, before moving here, we needed someone in our day to serve as a villain in our minds so we could feel superior in some way, that person is now the partner. If we needed to feel like a victim, the partner is the aggressor. If we needed to vent about our partner, our partner is the only person to vent to in-person (and venting over the phone to a third party is hard with your partner nearby). I don’t know if we were prepared for the realization of just how many roles we need other people to fulfill in our lives to keep our ego afloat. How much responsibility it takes to keep those unhealthy expectations from manifesting in ever-shifting ways (the ego is a chameleon).
Hopefully we’ll get better at this as time goes on, or perhaps part ways if not, but right now I’m relying on the Place itself to get through a particularly rough spot. The Place is just teeming with vitality and, today, a stunning 15 minute downpour with lightning and thunder that served beautifully as the outward expression of my inner world. This Place has become a non-human partner that I cherish as much as I would any human, and I look forward to developing that relationship further one day with less polluted land further from the city.